But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.–Psalm 86:15
I haven’t posted a blog in over a year since shortly after the new year in 2021, I lost my sister unexpectedly. Her loss really rocked our family and took a toll on my elderly mother. I needed to not only handle my sister’s estate, but I needed to take care of my mother who was grieving the loss of her first daughter. As the year went on, my mom declined more, and she fell in October. From October till February, I was constantly taking care of her, and she passed away on February 17, 2022. We will be doing her memorial service on the one-year anniversary of my sister’s memorial. Quite a year. However, in the midst of the most painful year of my life, I have seen the Lord’s faithfulness, mercy, goodness and grace. I will be writing more about the details of this in the days to come. However, I wanted to share what my husband wrote for me the day after my mom passed. I also wanted to get this blog out since tomorrow is 3/16, which is a reminder of John 3:16 that says: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. ” This verse has been so important to me as a born again Christian, but it was even more salient as I held my mom’s hand and prayed this over her, along with other promises from Scripture, and watched her step from this life into eternity. That our most powerful, almighty God would humble Himself and come down and be one of us and take the penalty we deserve in order to secure a place for us in eternity with Him forever is mind boggling! Our God is just, holy and perfect. Since we are not–we were born into a fallen, sinful world–we can’t stand before a holy God. But, He in His grace, mercy and love towards us knows that. He can’t violate His own sense of justice–wrongs deserve justice–so He chose to pay the price for us because of HIs great love for us.
After experiencing one of the most painful periods of my life, I also experienced the immense grace and mercy of our Lord as He met me and answered my prayer of letting me know that my mom would be with Him upon her death and that I would be able to be by her side when she took her last breath. He truly is a graceful and compassionate God!
My precious husband sent me the poem below the morning after she passed. It made me cry since it’s so beautifully and perfectly captures what happened with my mom these last months. Even with all the sorrow and anguish, the Lord was doing a major work both at the end of my mom’s life and in mine. It was my honor to be with her till the very end. He blessed me so much by putting this into words. (No one knows my deepest thoughts and heart like him, the love of my life.) There’s something sacred about this whole process and just wanted to share here on my blog.
Heaven Broke Through
I saw it in your face.
Through months of loving anguish it was over. The nights of fear and doubt, of nightmares and restless worry, had seen the dawn.
The endless days filled with care and hope of healing and recovery were never wasted, they were precious and bonding. You became a mother to your mother.
Through frustrating conversations, with sparks of clarity and streams of connection, she let you know she loved you and appreciated your presence.
On the day she opened her eyes wide, purposely straining to look into yours, and said “My Baby”, she said with two clear words what you needed to hear. With tearless crying she told you everything.
She heard you. She knew you. She loved you. She needed you. She thanked you.
And as you held her hand on the final day, her raspy breath foretold the end.
You cried and sung and prayed. You watched and listened and prayed. You told her who she was, how loved she was, and prayed.
And you told her it was ok to go. That eternity was waiting. That Jesus and all her loved ones were waiting. That it was ok to go.
Her breath became quiet, and shallow, and peaceful. Her closed eyes opened and looked to heaven, And her breath stopped. While your hands were clasped.
But through your tears and anguish, I saw relief and radiance in your face. And then I knew.
Heaven had broken through.
While she entered its glory, a bit of it had leaked out and landed on you.